Saturday, 26 June 2010

This is about feeling a bit shy and isolated sometimes

School reunions are just as awkward as they're supposed to be. Two minutes into a conversion with someone you haven't seen for 4 years and suddenly the talk is highly inappropriate and i really don't care about her sex life when she was seventeen and ancient gossip, some people do not change. The fakery from them and me was astounding and just ew. I feel a little bad actually. I've gotten so uses to being at uni, i sometimes take for granted being on the same wavelength. Most people from school are ready to settle down in leeds, and i feel childish to have ambitions. Sometimes its like i haven't changed from being 15 either, or maybe just being with everyone again reminds me of that time. Some people were still so genuinely lovely it made up for those vapid conversions. I'm not one to have amazingly mentally stimulating conversations with, but at least its fun. If noone enjoys it then it feels truly pointless. What I'm trying to say is I'm so glad to have broken out of that circle when i did and have the friends that i do or people i just enjoy being with even if we don't know each other that well. I love my hometown but school was crap. Everything after that got so much better! I guess its pretty common to feel this way? I don't have a load of friends or anything like that, but i think i'd go crazy if i didn't have them. so thanks for putting up with me everyone :)


Michael Powell said...

Just to say, i think your work over the last few months is showing real promise. I think that your sterling efforts to get to grips with 'depersonalising' criticism will pay dividends.

I have faith that if you truly want it and are prepared to do what it takes, you'll get an industry job this time next year.

I'm sure I'll still say stuff that makes you want to give up, but I do it because I think you've got the potential and I hate to see potential wasted or frittered away when it could get you where you want to be, with a little more push.

Have a good summer, keep on with the art and 3d and let's see what you can achieve in year three!

Blair said...

Aw thank you Mike! Your comment has really inspired me to keep working hard and try to live up to the faith you have in me :]
Thank you for the motivator!

Aby Bagulay said...

Aw, BB! ^^
I'm glad you feel that way! I've always wondered what a school reunion would be like and if i'd even have the nerve to go! Well done for going through with it... It just seems like a deliberate event where people go to compare themselves, who did best type thing... I like to think its more about closure and maybe just tying off school in a good way, kind of like you realising everything you did... I didn't really enjoy school either, I'd feel like I was taken back to all the emotional stresses I had at that age, all the pettiness...
Hope it helped you! ^^ Glad you're with us, B!

Blair said...

Yeah I think its natural to feel really distant from those people since your life took a really different turn, plus a lot of the other people were still friends and saw each other regularly so that was a bit weird! Yeah I felt like I reverted back to the shyness and vulnerability of school, but there are a few girls I'd like to keep in contact with so its not all bad heh. Hope you don't have to go through with it, heh!

Stim78 said...

Totally agree with the never really feeling the urge to go there.. I just don't get reunions?

If you have friends you like and enjoy then you keep in contact or use facebook etc. I don't remember 85% of the people i went to school with throught memory loss and just blocking them out.. why revert back to the same cliques, bitchy groups and other social divides?

Fair play for going to along, it may be better that it wasn't so long after you left.. even if the maturity growth levels weren't all apparent. If I had a reunion now after what, 15 years??.. yeh.. no thanks! Lol.. ^^